I can't take the stress any longer. I wish it was as simple as it is for other people just to focus their attention on one thing and push through it, but it's not and I'm done trying to push through this. Call me a disappointment if you will, but I'm only disappointing unrealistic expectations I have for myself. Wait are my expectations unrealistic? Is wanting to do well in school unrealistic? Is wanting to be there for your family unrealistic? Is wanting to make it through the day unrealistic? I think the answer to all of these questions would be no it's not unrealistic. I'm to the point of apathy and it's killing me to be apathetic (for some reason I think that's an oxymoron). Is it Thursday? Can I have my first drink so that I can relax a little and get through the next week? Wait do I really care to get through the rest of the semester? All of me says I don't want to try, but I know I have to just because of what's going on at home. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH